


The tattoo

by pckdrg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 12:38:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20564471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pckdrg/pseuds/pckdrg
Summary: Remus discovers Sirius has a tattoo. Set during Order of the Phoenix.





	The tattoo

'What's that?' Remus pointed at Sirius' wrist. When Sirius had taken off his jumper, he saw a glimpse of black ink.

Sirius quickly put his wrist down and shrugged.

'Nothing', he said.

'It was. There's something on your wrist, let me see it', Remus said, hanging over the table to grab his wrist.

But Sirius put his hand behind his back. 'It's not important anymore, Rey!'

'What do you mean? Not anymore? Why won't you show me?' Remus said, a bit annoyed. Why was Sirius acting so strange?

He saw Sirius swallow. Then, slowly, he revealed his arm and showed his wrist. He turned it a bit so Remus could see the tattoo better. It was a lone wolf, with a moon above it. The moon was almost full, there was just a tiny part still in black ink. Remus looked outside through the window. It was exactly the same as the moon that was in the sky, almost full as well.

He bit his lip.

Sirius let his arm hang. He was looking at Remus in a weird way, it was the same way he had looked at him when they were younger, both at Hogwarts.. It made him feel uncomfortable.

Finally, Sirius spoke up.

'I got this just a few days before I was arrested. I wanted to have this so I would never forget when you would transform, so I could keep you company.. So you would never be alone during those nights..'

He casted his eyes downwards, at the floor. 'That bit didn't work out, as I got arrested and sent to Azkaban.'

Remus' eyes saddened. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He didn't know what to say.

'I looked at it every day, because I could keep track of time in that way. But mainly, because I knew what nights you were suffering and I just stared at the moon.. Wishing I could be with you. Help you. I'm sorry I wasn't there, Rey.'

Sirius looked up at him, stared straight into his eyes.

Remus closed his eyes. He had imagined Sirius, alone in his cell, counting the days away.. But this image made it ten times worse.

'You shouldn't be sorry, it wasn't your fault', he said at last.

'I still feel guilty, though.'

'Why didn't you want to show me?'

'As I said, it doesn't really matter anymore, because you got the Wolfsbane Potion now. You don't need another animal to keep you from biting yourself', Sirius smiled in a sort of forced way.

'I still need you, if that is what you're insinuating', Remus said sincerely.

'You mean that?' Sirius asked softly.

Remus walked around the table and stopped before Sirius. He took his wrists in his hands, and looked at the tattoo again. His finger brushed slightly over the lone wolf, who was howling at the moon.

'I really do, Sirius. I've had you cut out of my life for twelve years, I don't plan on losing you again any time soon.'

Sirius smiled at him. He opened his mouth, but thought better of it and closed it again, he had a bit of a red shade on his face.

'What?' Remus asked.

'The main reason I didn't want you to see my tattoo is because, well.. I.. Eh-'

'Just say it, Pads', Remus said sternly, still holding his wrists, looking at him.

'I never stopped loving you, there, in Azkaban. That's also why I got the tattoo, to keep you in my memory. The Dementors take every happy memory away from you. I lost thought of who I was, of all my memories with you and James.. Every happy moment in my life. But when I looked at the tattoo again, I could still remember you.'

Remus stared back into his eyes. He breathed out suddenly, he didn't know he had been holding his breath. He swallowed and moved his hands from Sirius' wrists to the latter's hands instead. They felt warm, just as they always had been.

'Too much has changed, Sirius', he said quietly.

'Maybe the world around us, but not us. We're exactly where we left off.'

Remus couldn't argue with that. He felt the truth stinging inside him. When they had been reunited, it was so natural, everything came with ease. Harry had said it too, that he had been astounded how Sirius had Remus had communicated without any difficulties even though they hadn't seen each other for twelve years.

He knew Sirius was right.

'I'm sure you feel it too', Sirius went on, since Remus wasn't saying anything.

'I do', Remus admitted.

'Then why are you scared?'

'Because the last time I got close to people, two of them got murdered, one turned out to have betrayed them, and the most important one got sent to Azkaban innocently. Hm, I wonder why I'm a bit sceptical, Sirius', he said sarcastically.

'It won't happen again, Remus', Sirius said seriously. Talking about James and Lily had made him sad, Remus could see the pain in his face.

'You don't know that', he replied.

'I know that I cannot say that for certain, but what I do know is that the only thing I really want right now is to be with you.'

Remus debated with himself for a long moment. Getting back with Sirius would be a huge risk, emotionally, socially, politically, pretty much on every level. But he knew he had never stopped loving him, the truth hit him hard when he looked into those grey eyes. Azkaban had maybe taken Sirius' health, but his spirit was the same. The passion and fire in his eyes, who were dull when he was looking at anyone but Remus, hadn't changed. He couldn't lie to himself, he had hated Sirius when Sirius was arrested, because he had found himself guilty of thinking Sirius had indeed betrayed them, because it was easier to deal with the pain that way. He could project his anger at someone else. But deep down he had known that his loving and loyal Sirius would never betray any of his friends.

He squeezed Sirius' hands and gently lead him away from the kitchen, and walked upstairs towards Sirius' old bedroom. Sirius looked a bit puzzled, but when they walked in and Remus closed the door, a smile came onto his face.

He threw himself at Remus, who wrapped his arms around him and fell down on the bed. Remus felt a bit weird doing this in Sirius' old bedroom, as if Sirius' parents could walk in any moment and curse both of them into hell. But he quickly moved the feeling away when Sirius started kissing his neck.

'Rey', he whispered.

'Mm?' Remus answered, his eyes closed.

'Are you sure you want this?' Sirius sat up, each leg on one side of Remus. He was looking apprehensive.

Remus nodded sincerely. He felt a lump in his throat. 'There isn't a day that I don't think about.. How our lives could have been different, you know.. Where James and Lily were still alive, and we would be the godfathers that took care of Harry sometimes.. And we would have been happy together and lived together. And all of that has been taken away by Peter. In just one night. It's so unfair.' He felt tears well up in his eyes.

Sirius' eyes were dark. 'If I ever come across that rat again, I'll strange him with my bare hands.'

'No', Remus said sternly. 'Harry needs you here. I need you.'

Sirius sighed. 'What do you need me for? All I ever do is complicate your life.'

'My life is already complicated, Sirius, with or without you. You make my life better, actually. You make me feel human.'

'You are a human.'

'To you, maybe. Not to others.'

'Guess I'm the only one that matters, then', Sirius whispered, bending down and kissing Remus. They had had this conversation countless times during school, where Remus would cry after a full moon, telling Sirius that he was a monster, a half-breed, that Remus' father had been right about them. And Sirius would comfort him, tell him it was fine, that he was still Remus, and also a human.

Remus knew both of them were thinking back at those moments, he could feel it, because Sirius wasn't kissing him like before, it was a fierce kiss, and he was pushing himself onto Remus. He took Remus hands and put them above his head, sighing deeply.

'You know..' Remus started.

'What now?' Sirius said, continuing kissing him.

'I find it a bit hard kissing you here with all those posters of half-naked women on your wall.'

'Why? Are you distracted?' Sirius asked suspiciously.

Remus knew he was annoying Sirius, and grinned. 'Course not. It's just a bit ironic.'

'This was before fourth year, Moony. I was in a bit of denial then, as you may remember', Sirius laughed.

Remus smiled at him. 'Remember when you told me you had a girlfriend?'

'Yeah', Sirius answered, scratching his neck.

'You never knew how much that hurt me. I felt like my chance with you was beyond zero.'

Sirius sighed dramatically. 'I was an idiot back then. My girlfriend she may have been, but kissing her was so awkward I just stopped doing it and found excuses to not hang out with her. She got mad when I told her I had to do homework and she saw me outside, hanging out with you. That's when I realised I'd rather spend time with you than with her.' He was looking through the window, staring at something absently.

'Still took you a while to realise your feelings for me, even though you slept in my bed for years', Remus sniggered.

'Because I was having nightmares, Remus. You were the only one that could comfort me then', Sirius mocked teasingly. 'And it took me a while because I was just blind at the time, I guess? When James found us in bed together again, me curled up against you, he asked me later that evening when we were going to announce our relationship to everyone else.' He laughed heartily. 'Leave it to James to state the obvious.'

Remus smiled at him, and pulled Sirius closer, stroking his hair slowly.

'I was so shocked at that time, I literally turned around and screamed 'WHAT?' at him. He said that the only reason we were like that was because we were both in love and that basically everyone knew it except us. I was so confused, because I just thought that we had this connection that every friendship had, that we were just best friends, but then again I knew deep down that there was something special about us.'

'And then there was that guy that was interested in you', Sirius said, annoyance drooping off his face. 'James had the best time of his life, teasing me every day because apparently I was a bit jealous.'

Remus smiled at the memory. 'A bit? I recall it was more like.. extremely jealous.'

Sirius waved his hand at him. 'Whatever. I hexed him because he annoyed me in general, not because he liked you.'

Remus kissed him. 'And now here we are.'

Sirius smiled. 'Indeed. Here we are. Why don't we stop talking?'

'What? Normally you never shut up. Are you all right?' Remus teased.

'I'm dying to kiss you, Lupin. So shut up. Been dying to do that for twelve years.' And with that, he made sure Remus didn't say another word, except moan his name a couple of times. It felt as if time stood still, as if they were back in their dormitory again, as teenagers. Nothing had changed between them, except the world around them.


End file.
